thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
