Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
