I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
