i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
