these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
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I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
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I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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