Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
