it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize