Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
