So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
