she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
