awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
