I will die if light touches me.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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