im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
