I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
