you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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