Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
