whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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