I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
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