dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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