Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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