frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
