we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
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I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
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I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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