In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
