please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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