If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
