Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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