I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
