I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
