I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
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