Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
