two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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