see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
