Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
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