I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize