I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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