Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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