Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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