Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
