I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Randomize
