Who did Billy Mays play for?
you would pick up someone in the library
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
