i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Randomize
