i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
