I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
