some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
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We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
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