Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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