I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
There r osticjed everywhere
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
