I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
