1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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