we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
