I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
