On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
sarcasm needs its own font
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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