is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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