Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
