your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Randomize
