Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Randomize
