I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
