This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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