Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
