My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
You're like the curious george of whores
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
What drink are we having for lunch?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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