Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
vagina is talking i cant
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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