Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
We got so high we made milksteak
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
