I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
