i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
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Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
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Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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