Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
