I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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