all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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