Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Randomize
