you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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