It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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