return my video game
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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