shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
