I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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