I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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