I think my vagina is haunted
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
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