OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Randomize
