was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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