I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
