guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize
